Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Well tomorrow is it. We have waited three weeks and now we know the only option is surgery. Today when I came to visit Griffin I could tell he looked paler and he wasn’t eating too much. So hard to see, but in a sense gave me conformation that we had to do the surgery. Above all I want Griffin to be healthy and home with us.
Through this whole time it is hard to describe the range of emotions I have felt. I have gone from true peace in God, to utter frustration, experienced a hurt I didn’t think I could bare, and moments of standing in faith. The reality is that I could switch from any of those emotions in a 20 min period. These three weeks have felt like a lifetime, probably doesn’t help that I had a baby somewhere in there too!!! But through all of these emotions God has been there faithful to take care of my baby.
Tomorrow I feel like I will be stepping into a new season, surgery. We have made it through the waiting and hoping and now we know surgery is happening tomorrow. In one sense it feels like a relief because now hopefully each day he can be taken steps towards home, instead of the constant waiting. But in another sense it rips me apart. Thinking my baby who I was just with today that is so full of life is going to be cut back open and have his heart messed with is so hard. I guess this is why I am thankful I don’t get a choice, Griffin has to have surgery or he won’t come home. And then this is where my faith has to kick in. Faith to know that God is in control and He knows what’s best. Yikes that one doesn’t always come natural to me. John on the other hand has faith like I have never seen in my life. I can’t tell you how much deeper I have fallen in love with John as a person and with his faith. Each day he wakes up on the same hospital couch and faces the day. Without complaining, bad attitudes, or even the 'why me’s,' but with joy, faith, optimism, and strength not just for himself but for me. Can’t tell you how thankful I am for him!!!
Surgery tomorrow will start at 7 am. We don’t really know what the surgery is going to entail tomorrow. There will be three options and they will decide when they are in there what they are going to do. First option- if they can see a hole in the gore-tex tube then they will wrap it and test it to see if it works. My nurse told me they would only do that if they thought they were 99% sure it won’t leak. Second option- Take out the gor tex tube and replace it with another one. This one he would have to be on the Heart Lung Bypass Machine and would essentially be like he was having the fontan surgery over again. The third option- to take out the gor tex tube and replace it with part of an aorta from a cadaver. This one he would have to be on the bypass machine again and would be like the fontan.
I have mixed emotions about all of them. I just pray that God would make it super clear to the surgeons which ever one they choose will be the right one. The one that would stop the fluid and let Griffin come home!!!!
Ways to pray for us:
-That God would protect my baby Griffin and put His healing hand around him in surgery and through recovery
-That recovery would go super smoothly and quickly
-NO MORE LEAKING FLUID
-That he wouldn’t get any fluid on his lungs like last time
-For strength and protection for John so he doesn't get get sick
-That God would protect Flynn at the hospital. newborn + hospital = not good
-Strength and peace for Eli and Eden who are really feeling the effects of having their daddy and brother gone
-That I would have faith in the midst of struggle and peace only God can give
-Strength for my mother who goes everywhere with me and helps me in the nights with Flynn
-God given wisdom for the surgeons to make the best call so nothing else has to be done afterwards
-That even though we might not feel like it at times that we would be a light and share our faith
Thank you all for standing with us through all of this. A lot of days I feel like I am not going to make it or don’t even want to make it for that matter, but all of your prayers, emails, facebook message, and constant encouragement have helped carry us through. THANK YOU.
Please Jesus protect my baby…
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3 comments:
Oh Amber. In tears over what you've been going through. I've been praying for you all daily. I'll be up again tomorrow morning before the kids get up - praying for Griffin, his surgeons, and for you and John. Lord have your hand of healing around Griffin and give wisdom to all the doctors. Wish I was closer to help in anyway I could. Know I'll be praying.
Isaiah 43:1-3a
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your Savior."
Praying to Jehovah-Rapha for His merciful healing hand.
We are friends of Theresa. I was on my knees on behalf of your family and continue to pray for you during this really tough time.
Numbers 6:24-26 (posted on our grandson's crib in NICU for 169 days)
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make His face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD life up His countenance upon you
and give you peace."
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