May 29th Griffin Update

Sunday, May 29, 2011

27 out of the last 54 days have been spent in the hospital.

In case you haven't been caught up to speed, Griffin has had fluid accumulated around his heart that, if left untreated, would be very damaging to his heart and health. Twice we have gone in for "check-ups" with his cardiologists and twice we have been immediately transported to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). They then promptly insert a tube into his chest as an attempt to drain the fluid. At one point almost 16 oz was drained in 12 hours. This time, Griffin and I have been here since the 15th of May waiting to see if the fluid would stop draining. It has been an up and down roller coaster of thinking we are about to go home to being told he would be here for another week. It feels like there is no end in sight.

I went home for the first time last night to be with Amber and our other children. I held Amber in my arms as she was weeping. The physical pain that comes from our family being separated has become more than she can bear. It is a hard reality that our youngest son, Flynn, is a week old today and has never met Griffin and I have only seen him a handful of times. As I tried to comfort Amber I couldn't help but begin to ask "Why?"

Why is this happening?

Why is it dragging out for so long?

Why won't the fluid stop?

Why can't we just be together as a family?

God.... why?

I know I am not the first to ask that question and I certainly wont be the last. When we ask why it's because we don't understand. And in all honesty it is hard to understand when we go through hard times. The beauty of loving God who cares more for us than the birds of the air is that we don't have to ask the question why. He knows the plans for us even though we don't see it. I don't have to labor with the question, my "why?" rests in the hands of his infinite love and wisdom.

This takes faith. Faith is sometimes easier to talk about than to live out. Lord please give us faith to trust you with the why.