On the road of recovery...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Last night we called the hospital quite a bit just to make sure he was stable.  They told us that his numbers had dropped twice, but each time because either he was come out of being sedated or because he had some secretions in his ventilation tube.  I never want to hear that his numbers went down, but at least when they did there was a reason behind it.  

I feel like last night was one of those nights where I had to regroup.  I think I just started to break because of the stress and all the emotions from the day.  John and I had a really good time of praying and giving everything back to God.  It is hard because I feel like I can get lost in the emotions and the lies satan tries to feed me.  There were just so many feelings of guilt for not always being at the hospital with him or not being with my kids at home or going to lunch and feeling normal for a few minutes while my son was laying in the hospital alone.  John helped me to realize those are not feelings from God, but all lies that satan wants me to believe.  So just having a time of prayer really helped to bring me back to the truths that God has for me.  I am thankful that God is so patient with me.  Now I am able to rest in the peace of who God is and the love He has for me.  

Speaking of God's love, we are so thankful that today was not filled with any down's.  Griffin was stable all day and they continue to ween him off his breathing machine and some of the other drips he is on.  He is still a bit on the puffy side from all the fluids they filled him with, but little by little he is looking more normal.  Grandma and Grandpa Hinger were able to come see him and hang out with us for a little while.  They have been amazing at helping us with our other kids and watching them all the time (thank you guys!).  As for Griffin, the nurses said that tomorrow they hope to take his chest tube out and possibly even take his ventilator out.  Wow!!!  It would be amazing if they could do all those things.  I try not to get my hopes up too much because you just never know what the doctors are going to want.  Another one of those times I have to trust that it is not my timing but Gods.  We just look at him all the time and are so proud that he is our son and we just love him so much even though we don't get to hold him or be with him all the time.  

Right now we are just praying that he would continue to recovery and that there would be no set backs.  We are also praying for boldness.  John and I were talking about it today, we don't want to leave the hospital without our nurses knowing our love for Jesus.  It is so hard because a lot of the time I am at the hospital I am always asking questions or just asking if they think he is going to be ok.  Not that, that isn't normal, but I want to be able to walk in a confidence that it doesn't rest in what they or the doctors tell me, but in God alone.  Not going to lie, not always easy when I am sitting next to my son with all these machines and tubes that I have no idea what they are doing.  But none the less, we just want to share with them where our hope lies.  

Thank you all for praying and the encouragement.  We love you all.